I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
