As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Drunk is not a location!
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
