Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
