I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
