i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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