Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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