I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Randomize
