i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
