Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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