it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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