In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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