Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
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