did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
