Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Randomize
