is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
