the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
