Pappa wants mamma naked
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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