Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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