You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
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