where am i from again
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
