I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
