The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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