just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
