I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
