i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
