proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
