Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
