So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
