I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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