can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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