I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
