You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
