You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
