Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
