i don't like sucking hair
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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