and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
