Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
