I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
