He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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