At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
