I never want to see another naked old woman again.
they need to just BURY HIM!
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
