Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
