Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Randomize
