Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
