she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
