Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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