your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
