before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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