Well apparently he's into motor boating.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
