I heard we made out
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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