Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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