cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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