Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I have fence marks all over my body
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
