so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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