I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
