First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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