i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
