so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
