What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
tonight lets celebrate not being married
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
