Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
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