I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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