herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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