Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
