the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Panties = found
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
