If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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