yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
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It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
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i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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