The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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