Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
